Excitement vs. Fun

In most circles, “exciting” and “excitement” are positive words often considered synonymous with “fun.”  A movie, a television program, even an activity for young children, is praised for being exciting. Using the common definition, the opposite of “exciting” is “boring,” and “boring” is to be avoided at all costs.

The term “excitement,” however, can also refer to agitation, overstimulation and loss of control – the opposite of “calm.”  Parents, observing their over-excited children running around in circles, coming close to knocking over the birthday cake, the table lamp or each other, exhort them to stop and “calm down.”  These moments are definitely NOT “fun” – especially when a child, in addition to the cake or the lamp, suffers some damage.

You’ve already learned to spot the signs that your child is getting over-stimulated. His voice raises both in pitch and volume, his eyes narrow and his teeth clench with aggression or, if he is the victim of some other overexcited child, his eyes widen with fear and approaching tears. You feel the need to jump in and stop the running, the wrestling, the tickling, before the loud laughter turns to loud sobs. You can hear your mother’s words from your childhood coming out of your mouth, saying, “Now, just stop before someone gets hurt!”  But you may want to squelch that impulse, because you don’t want to spoil the “fun.”

Go with your first reaction and stop the escalation of excitement before it takes over and the “fun” ends in band-aids or broken table lamps or worse. Your child may even protest that he and his friends were just playing, that no one would get hurt. But he in fact is not enjoying this scary excitement very much, and you’ll be amazed at how quickly he will accept the substitute activity that you suggest. 

If you’re planning a birthday party for your young child, keep in mind that he will enjoy it more if he feels sufficiently in control of what’s going on. You can help him feel in control by providing him ways to be an active participant in the planning: he can help make the decorations; he can set the table for the guests; he can be told ahead of time exactly what will happen and when, and allowed to make choices where possible. You can protect him from becoming over-stimulated by limiting the number of participants, pacing the activities, and choosing ones appropriate for his age. 

So the Grandmothers’ advice is, if instead of enjoyment you sense agitation in the air, try to take the excitement level down a notch or two.  Everyone, your child especially, will have more fun that way.

If you have a parenting question, please email it to us at thegrandmothers@collinwoodobserver.com. Or mail it to The Grandmothers, Collinwood Observer, 650 E. 185th St., Cleveland, OH 44119. 

The Grandmothers are Kathy Baker, Maria Kaiser, Gann Roberts and Ginny Steininger. They meet at Hanna Perkins Center, 19901 Malvern Road, which houses the Hanna Perkins School and the Reinberger Parent/Child Resource Center.  For information call Barbara Streeter (216) 991-4472.