ARIES (March 21- April 19)
Thanks for all the help. Or is it the other way around? Beware of blue cars. You will get a call later this month, and it might be from me. Or will it? Lucky number π
TAURUS (April 20- May 20)
I see drumsticks in your future. It must be a sign. Beware of people with brown hair. There is someone looking for you. Find them first. Lucky number 7.2675694%
GEMINI (May 21- June 20)
Are you really going to spend your whole summer like this? Maybe you should read a good book. Or one about unicorns. Lucky letter J
CANCER (June 21- July 22)
LEO (July 23- August 22)
You should get a Theremin and play it often. That’s really all I have to say to you.
VIRGO (August 23- September 22)
Sarcasm is a powerful tool. But you must remember to use it wisely. You will find blonde people funny. But not for the reason you think. Lucky symbol A
LIBRA (September 23- October 22)
“What’s My Scene?” you find yourself asking. “Mars Needs Guitars,” but you can “Come Anytime.” “Arthur” and “Leilani” are friends. This month, you will feel “Death Defying” and “Bittersweet”. Lucky person Dave Faulkner
SCORPIO (October 23- November 21)
Get out of my house. Go on, shoo! Beware of men with mustaches. Lucky letters C and K
SAGITTARIUS (November 22- December 21)
Riders are coming on the storm. But what are they riding? Is that…that couldn’t be a giant bunny, could it? Oh well. Lucky number 14
CAPRICORN (December 22- January 19)
You are a wonderful person. Please don’t make me write anything else today!
AQUARIUS (January 20- February 18)
Is your name Brad? No? Well, then I guess you don’t get a horoscope. If your name is Brad, however, all your dreams will come true. Even the nightmares.
PISCES (February 19- March 20)
No. You don’t need any more. Really. I’m serious. Do you think I’m joking? Do I look like I’m joking???
Would you like to write a month's worth of horoscopes for the Collinwood Observer? Our horoscopes are reader-written, like everything else in the paper. If you would like to write your own horoscopes, write them up! and submit them to www.collinwoodobserver.com. If you haven't done this yet, click on Member's Center in the left hand menu, sign up, and cut and paste your horoscopes into the window that opens. Write "Horoscopes" in the Title box, and that's it!